In Memorie Of Julie Dann
A Life Not Lived.
By: Danielle Berryhill
I met Julie Dann, about five years ago when my Dad and I came out to her Grandpa Kenneth's ranch to ride bulls with her Uncle Kenny. We ended up going out to the ranch every weekend and becoming close friends with Julie and her family. Julie was a little bit younger than I was, but we didn't care, we still had fun all the time. Julie was like family to me. She was like a little sister.
I recall the summer of 1997, my first year in the Jr. Rodeo, and I spent a lot of time at the ranch. Once I spent 2 weeks at Juiles house, we where inseparable. Of course we would bicker a little, over stupid stuff, but we would make up three minutes later.
The summer of 1998, my family and I moved out to the ranch. Julie and I where so happy. We had so many neat things planned. But I grew up and pulled away from Julie. As much as I hate to say it, I got annoyed by her sometimes. I am sure I hurt her feelings, and now I wish, with everything in side of me, that I would have never ditched my plans with Julie. But how would I know that they would be my lasts?
On January first 2000, I went out with some friends. We said we where going to the movies but we went to the park instead. While we where at the park, my grandma went to the movies looking for us. As the guys dropped us off we saw her and came up with the story that we went to Fun Works instead. My grandma said something has happened and my Dad wanted me home.
As we came up the driveway, I saw a few cars at Julies but didn't think anything of it. And when I walked in the door at home everything seemed normal. I walked to my room and set my stuff down and my Dad followed. He began to tell me, with a tear falling down his eye, Julie was in an accident, she was on an ATV with one of her dads friends and on the way back to the house going around 30 MPH the Quad flipped. The friend was lucky walking away with not even a scratch, however, Julie wasn't so lucky.
What? I asked...
And my dad said she is dead.
I couldn't believe it. I made him repeat by asking What. Even though I didn't believe it, I still cried. Once I calmed down I felt I had to go see Kissy. As I entered the house she stared at the door with empty eyes, crying once in awhile when someone, other than Julie entered the door way. Her step dad Jimmy, was pacing back and forth all over the house. The house seemed to be flooding with sadness. I hugged Kissy and didn't ever want to let go.
That Wednesday was the family viewing. I didn't go to that. I felt I couldn't handle it. But that night I went to Mervyns and got her three charm bracelets; love, hope and long journey.
I called my dad and asked him for his permission to take Julie her bracelets. He prepared me for what I was about to see and told me to go. Ashley, my cousin, went with me.
I didn't believe Julie was gone. I mean in my head it was there, but my heart kept saying,she would be back. It wasn't until I walked in that room and saw her pretty little purple coffin, and all the flowers, that I realized she was gone and I would never see her again. I saw her pictures and it hurt because Julie was so beautiful and she didn't even know it. I held Ashley's hand as the tears pored down our faces. We walked closer to the little coffin, and about ten feet away from it I cried out loud.
How could this happen? Why her? Why Julie? She was so young, Why not me? These where the things going through my head. As we reached the coffin, I looked around and realized she was really gone. My sweet Julie, was now an angel.
When we reached the coffin there was something that caught my eye. A Cowgirl Up sticker and on it wrote in black ink pen read the following, Ride your dreams baby girl. As tears fell down my face I placed her bracelets on the poll, kissed her coffin good bye, and turned to walk out. I signed the book as follows. Julie was our little sweetheart, but now she is our angel. She is gone from this earth, but not gone from our hearts. She will live on, in us, forever. I didn't pay any attention to what Ashley wrote I was to busy starring at the little coffin.
The next day at the funeral, I cried like I never thought I could. I sat in that little room and held on to my Dad like there was no tomorrow. Looking through the lace at all the people, I wondered who some were and how they fit into Julie's life, even though it didn't matter. They were there because they loved her and missed her. I paid close attention to the words the Priest said. We all loved Julie... but now she is with someone who loves her far more that we ever could. How could that be? We loved Julie so much and she was a part of our everyday lives.
After the services, we all went to Sunny Side Cemetery, in Stevenson. As they made their way with Julie to her grave sight, her cousins rode their horses leading Julie's horse saddled with no rider to her grave sight. And at the end of the burial, every kid from school let go of a gold balloon and we watched them float away.
Now three and a half month later, the pain is still here and so are the tears. We all love Julie, and miss her very much. Just yesterday Brie (Julies cousin) and I where talking. I asked her what she missed most about Julie and she said " Her smile. Julie had a beautiful smile."
By Danielle Berryhill 10-26-00
I woke up one morning and looked in the mirror,
I saw a woman,
A woman with a knife at hand,
And eyes I didn't like,
Eyes that wanted to fight....
When I realized, I was that woman it was to late,
Blood was dripping from my hand.
And I was in a fright
The blood was so red,
That it sacred me cold,
Cause it just bled and bled
I was hurting all over
But mainly I hurt in my heart and my head.
It hurt because what would they think,
If they where to find me dead?
In this world so many people are cold,
They are cold in there heart,
And in there mind.
Why would they care if someone was hurt,
They would turn there heads,
And walk on as if they where blind.
These cold people would not care,
If some one like me fell to the dirt.
They would never be so kind as,
To lend me an arm,
And promise me no harm.
BUT TO THE ONES WHO DO CARE?
How could I explain
I just wanted to feel some thing
Some thing in side.
I never wanted to die.
I wish I some pride,
So I could stand up, and say.
Look everyone I can feel.
But no I don't have any pride,
So excuse me wile,
I run and hide.